Saturday, March 29, 2003

New powerful tool to be used against ignorent dopes: A Clue-By-Four. I wish I had found one a long time ago.. I have some one by the name of Jen to thank for that wonderful phrase.

On to today's story main story: I get in touch with my magical side.

As an overeducated, underemployed mother superior and fairy god-librarian, I relish the chance to have a real challenge at work. Today, I was called to aid a down and out cinderella potentially worth milliones. She was searching for the original Cinderella story to help her find inner peace, and I, having taken an entire course on the history of fairy tales, was able to come to her assistence . With my powers of deduction, i managed to find several books and a website devoted to cinderella, and while i was working my magic, i heard her sad story.

Ms. C had recently lost her father, and eccentric old man (no one really understood him but Ms. C) and on the night he died she had been sifting through the ashes of some papers of his she had burned in his fireplace--coincidence number one. The dear old man had wished to sign off his millions of dollars to aid some appalachian nature society, but evil stepmother (coincidence number two) had intercepted the will. The horror!

Ms. C later found a copy of a fairy tale left by Dad called the three rings or something. in any event, its a rather king Lear-like story of greed and sororicide.. well maybe not that far, but something of the sort. Ms. C immediately linked this with her own grave perils: now evil stepsister (coincidence number three) was in collusion with evil stepmum to take all the money and leave Ms. C with none. Ms. C must find the answers! And she came to the right place: the library fairy tale section. She arrived at the stroke of noon, and found me. Thank goodness for small favors.

This story, so unfinished, so filled with potential, broke my heart. All I could think of was how if Ms. C joined my nunnery, together we could make my dream come true-- a Nunnery/beauty spa in the middle of tuscany, where all disillusioned cinderallas could realize their inner Zen-- or Xena. But I pushed personal desires aside and quickly went into academic mode, pinpointing Charles Perrault , correcting Ms. C's pronunciation of his name, and leading her towards other, potentially greener pastures like Calvoli, Grimms, and the color specific fairy books. Later I jumped onto the internet and led her to The Cinderella Project, which collects versions of the fairy tale. For a moment even I felt liberated from the confines of the public library. Then I told her it was ten cents a page to print.

I did come out two dollars richer-- all those cinderella stories took quite a bit of paper. And i was thanked profusely for endowing Ms. C with so much information which only a brilliant ex-liberal arts student could give her. I should have told her to watch out if she saw that her evil sis was getting any corns removed, and to be kind to the singing mice. Instead i told her to stay Zen-like about the whole conspiracy against her, and not to get a ticket for having her meter run out.

You are probably saying right now: how can you believe this woman? She might be just like all those lovely homeless folk you see on a weekly basis asking for books on wizardry. If wishes were horses then beggars would ride you say, and by golly this woman is riding a long-horned unicorn. But you underestimate the power of a good story my friends.. the power of a good story lies in its grain of truth. With my help, Ms. C may yet acheive her dreams of saving Daddy's millions from the clutches of the step-trolls, though i don't think it will being going to any appalachian nature-fund.

What help you ask? Well that's between me and my fairy dust.. achoo!


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