Monday, November 10, 2003

Does My In-Box Require Deodorant?

I've been having a dry spell in terms of emails.. I usually get about two a day from various sources, though sometimes its just people wanting to sell me a new penis or a Russian Bride.. but for three days, maybe four now.. nothing.

Is it me? Did my last mass email about losing the interoffice pumkin carving contest connect with people's delete buttons instead of their funny bones? Are my repetitive descriptions of being a live-at-home library clerk in the Midwest causing people to avoid pushing reply?

Obviously I need to start making shit up. Next week, I will be taking a trip to Acapulco with a hot personal trainer I met at the club. Then I'll take up the cause of animals stuck in University labs, helping to free hundreds of white, bald scalped rats from the neurology department. In a few months I will be plotting a Communist coup in Haiti in the hopes that aid will flow into the beleaguered country after Bush is forced to send troops in to overthrow me. My second in command will be caught, but I will of course escape, and tell my story from Switzerland in a million dollar book deal before being assassinated, creating a huge uproar in the US because people will read my book and understand why I did what I did. The Democrats will win in 2008, and peace will be restored in the world if Iran and Pakistan don't nuke something first.

Wow, I've got a lot on my plate the next few days, ladies. Guess I don't have time for email.


Post a Comment

<< Home