Tuesday, November 04, 2003

PLAN FOR 2004: Stop the Infighting, and get drunk. Then Stragedize.

I was just over at Amygdala reading back a few days, perhaps longer, when I came upon the Liberal on Liberal violence I've been seeing more and more often these days, as tempers rise over the complete idiocy that is our White House. Like the underclass in the inner-city, pent up rage tends not to explode out at the perceived cause of our pain and misery (though many woe-fully overtaxed conservatives will tell you otherwise), but towards one another.

But perhaps this is due to the fact that most liberals pride themselves as intellectuals, able to look at both sides, to be a devil's advocate. Suddenly, though, we have a very hard time understanding what the other side is.. How could you POSSIBLY consider it a good idea to throw 87 billion at Iraq, but fail to fund the programs in that country that are actually working? How did you ever think that drilling in the Arctic was a good idea? I mean these are really large land mines in the path towards liberal and conservative togetherness. But then Liberals throw mines in their own path, demanding to know why all of us aren't screaming for a withdrawal from Iraq.

Um, like, because that would be stupid, Duh!?

Liberals stuck on The War with Iraq, be it getting in or getting out, are like guppies stuck in the intake pipe of the fish tank. They are swimming frantically, fighting for their life, and yet getting absolutely nowhere, and making themselves look really irrational to all the other fish in the tank. This is a country where a Democrat owns a company that doesn't feel comfortable showing a fictional, perhaps even critical (horror~!) account of Reagan's presidency. There is no way on this Lord's green (though rapidly browning) earth that anyone is going to listen to WMD trivia. No one cares that we could have been able to see centrifuges being built in Iraq, and that there was no reason to go to war. We went to war. We're there right now. The fact that our pres can't doing anything better than press his hand to his chest and feel the 'pain' of families who lost their young men and women to rocket attacks and ambushes is at issue here. No one gives a rat's ass about #$#$^ centrifuges.

Don't look back, look forward, my friends. Better yet, look West. Look at California. Look at Arnold.

Now look at the Democratic candidates for president. Use your beer goggles, ladies!
That's right.. see the tall one over there, with the tan and the military uniform? If you can pin some hot tail on the donkey, you have a shot at redeeming the sad mess that is Iraq.

But, but, but.. NO, No buts.. BUTTS! Learn from Kennedy. The guy really wasn't that much of a genius, but he was hot, his wife was hot, and he had a great speach-writer. Now we have Arnold.. We need to quit whining and start thinking.. Think Lite!

The key is to make Clark as enticing as the our Austrian Blockbuster out West, to people on all sides of th aisle. I think he has potential. He's moderate. He worked for both parties. Quit thinking of this as a bad thing. Make sure he stays away from donuts. Have him bench-press a few supporter's kids. Get him a better speach-writer.

That's right, quit with that substance crap. We need something more solid than a great health care plan: we need some muscles. Good policy comes easily to us, we know this. We made the clean air and clean water act, before Bush quit enforcing it. People loved those! But people just don't get up in the morning thinking about the clean air act. They get up thinking about mundane things like work, food, and maybe sex. Housewives and mothers who would normally be motivated to fight the president's terrible school policies, can't help but write into Time about how cute he looked in his flight suit. Men.. well I can't really speak for men, but it seems they support him at least until they find someone who's not a wimp, but does a better job.

I am not saying dumb down: this is not an issue of intelligence. I'm saying take a look at this from an anthropological level: we are whole people, we are not just our left brain. Leadership is not just good policy. As you can see, people can follow bad policy if they think they have a good leader who's just been given a lousy four years of office to work with.

Think about it. Better yet, get drunk and watch The Princess Bride and then think about it.


Post a Comment

<< Home